Top 100 Funny Clean Jokes That Will Make You Go Crazy With Laughter

Last Updated on October 26, 2021

Funny clean jokes make every conversation better—whether you’re sharing a laugh with a friend or entertaining your kids—and these G-rated jokes are no exception.

From the best clean jokes for adults to clean jokes of the day, this big list has something for everyone, so you can feel good about busting out these hilarious SFW funnies, no matter who it is you’re talking to—from your grandma to your coworker.

READ ALSO: 100 Best Dad Jokes That Will Make You Go Crazy With Laughter

Read further to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.

Top 100 Funny Clean Jokes

1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?
3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
7. Why do ducks have feathers?
8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
9. What does a nosey pepper do?
10. Why should you never trust stairs?
11. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
12. Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
13. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
14. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
15. How do you measure a snake?
16. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?
17. What does a house wear?
18. Why are toilets always so good at poker?
19. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
20. You heard the rumor going around about butter?
21. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
22. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
23. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
24. What do you get from a pampered cow?
25. How does NASA organize a party?
26. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
27. You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
28. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
29. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
30. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
31. Why were they called the “dark ages?”
32. What gets wetter the more it dries?
33. Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
34. You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?
35. Want to hear a joke about a roof?
36. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
37. How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?
38. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
39. Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?
40. I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
41. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
42. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
43. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
44. A horse walks into a bar.
45. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
46. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
47. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
48. Why don’t blind people skydive?
49. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
50. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
51. I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.
52. I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
53. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
54. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
55. What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?
56. George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
57. A horse walks into a bar.
58. I googled “Rorshach test.”
59. What do we want?
60. I tried to win a suntanning competition.
61. How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?
62. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
63. What do you call malware on a Kindle?
64. Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
65. Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
66. What did the tie say to the hat?
67. How do you make a tissue dance?
68. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
69. I started a new job as a tailor last week.
70. What concert only costs 45 cents?
71. What kind of shoes does a spy wear?
72. I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.
73. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
74. What do you call a fake noodle?
75. My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.
76. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.
77. A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
78. I tried to catch fog yesterday.
79. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
80. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
81. What do you call a dog with no legs?
82. You know what they say about cliffhangers…
83. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
84. A sandwich walks into a bar.
85. I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm.
86. The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”
87. Why did the giraffe get such bad grades?
88. Why are frogs always so happy?
89. Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
90. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
91. What do you call a musician with problems?
92. Where do snowmen keep their savings?
93. What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?
94. Did you hear about the carrot detective?
95. What washes up on very small beaches?
96. What did one elevator say to the other?
97. What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?
98. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
99. Why did the tomato turn red?
100. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?